Prescription Sudafed: Jah-makin Me Craaaaazy

The following is a complete and unedited stream of consciousness a la Jack Kerouac, although I believe he was on benzedrine when he wrote On The Road and I just have a bad sinus infection and a roofie colada of uppers and Emergen-C and homeopathic remedies (no homo). Remember the first time I led off a blogpost with a video? No? That's because you just came to this site by googling "maury bus old navy store" (which, you are correct, is information available on this site) and you haven't read my other highly informative posts, which include the two most offensive ways to say "abortion", both of which are in American Sign Language. But now I've got another baby-related video for you that will have you re-evaluating "the miracle of childbirth."

Yeah. So, there's that. WAIT! Turn down the volume, that video is really loud! Too late? Sorry.

Next, Tyra Banks Tweets like my mom texts. My mother feels the need to sign "Love, Mom" like each text she sends me is a birthday card. SO DOES TYRA! Look:

stressed spelled backwards is desserts? THIS is why i should join twitter? kill me

Seriously, I'm just adding this to my unwritten list of reasons I do not like Tyra Banks. Of course, I know in the end that her signing tweets and being afraid of dolphins and saying all sorts of inane things on camera will never take away that she has done shows of people with strange eating habits, including the woman who uses cigarette ash as an ice cream topping and the one who eats toilet paper.

 

(Thank you Carlen for letting me use your the image you showed me.) Plus Tyra did a show that one time featured this hometown hottie:

talk about a woman after my heart

Of course, since I've found my way onto this the topic of bathroom reading material, AdAge recently published a story about people using cell phones in the bathroom, a practice that my brother all-too-well knows I approve of. Here's a pie chart (interesting graphical analysis) of its widespread use:

What else have I been thinking about today? Colloidal silver, an apparent natural antibiotic; beets and broccoli; olive leaf extract, grapefruit seed extract; and Afrin (which works pretty well, I must say). That's because I feel like crap. You wanted stream of consciousness, you got it. Oh, you didn't? Sorry.

Here's a photo of the winners from the pinball tournament I played in late last year.

pimps in they own rhyme

Do you like pinball? I did. At least, I did until I stood in a darkened bar in the middle of the day for the Brooklyn Pinball Championship. As testosterone perfumed the room like B.O. (actually it was mainly B.O.) I played pinball for FOUR HOURS which included about 45 minutes of actual game play and 3 hours and 15 minutes of waiting, of which 75 minutes were devoted to avoiding the guy who roid-raged when his machine tilted. I "finished" somewhere around 30th place, got a participant's medal and got the hell out of there. The true athletes were able to block out all the negative energy (and farts) and come out victorious; they are pictured above. Congrats guys, it was like being on an episode of StarWars Survivor where the only food available was a crate of beans, cabbage and Doritos Nacho Cheesier that washed ashore.

OK, I think I'm done. WAIT, no, you have to check out Max Capacity's Animated Gifs on Flickr. They are amazing. Choice cuts include Wil E. Coyote, Mike Tyson's Punchout, and White Noise (now in Technicolor)... on Flickr dey move 'n' stuff...