Warning: This Post Took No Effort

Without my sitemeter showing it, I think some of the Greenpoint street residents are catching onto the fact that I am not indeed lost, staring at Google Maps on my phone and wondering out loud "Where is Oak Street?" but, in fact, desperately trying to get my phone to autofocus so I can capture their soul in a photograph because I am a mean sour-turd who half-believes he can sell trading cards of homeless people and then donate that money to charity.

For example, one woman who was particularly insane yelled at me that "there are no trees in Hollywood", perhaps an allusion to the fact that I was wearing wayfarers at the time and my hair looks like a blind person styled James Dean with leftover grease from Jimmy Dean sausage.

she was once a famous southern californian arborist

Another woman must have sensed that I was paying some sort of attention to her and actually started talking to me as we waited for the light to change on the corner. Apparently she had been at the church all morning, because (and this is verbatim; I wrote it down immediately) she said:

I've been praying all morning for my leg to heal. It's no good. Might be broken. Praying not working today. I might change to Orthodox. Not Jewish. I mean Roman.

I was taken aback and struggled for the right words — and also a little weirded out how quickly she was to say she wasn't Jewish — which came out as "I hope your leg feels better" as I smiled and crossed the street. Anyway, it made me feel kind of crappy so I really want to get these things made. It's been so horrible outside and no one should have to sleep on the street. I figure 15 cards, maybe 12, will be enough for a pack. I'll probably have to sell them online with a FAQ page that looks like this:

Q: Do you have blood and/or a heart with which to pump blood?
A: Yes.

Q: How can I help (expedite your death)?
A: You can help by purchasing these cards, as all proceeds will benefit the Greenpoint homeless community.

Q: Where do you live, I want to burn your house down?
A: Please don't hurt me. I'm trying to help (in a funny way).

OK, and now for something really interesting else:

This is an amazing video from a couple of weeks ago. DO NOT BE DECEIVED! Even though this bunny is very young and cute, he has a rap sheet a mile long and is known by the street moniker "HawkEye", because of this:

oh, the things this eye has seen

My magically talented Jewish Female SoulBrotha Carlen does a great job of telling HawkEye the business, and I do a tremendous job of looking like a gay pirate and dropping in some sort of dim-witted reference to the Lionhead Breed Standard.

Also, what the hell does this mean?

We need to get lionheads recognized as a "real breed" by the American Rabbit Breeders Association, and there is discussion of Carlen and I leading the charge quite literally by driving to Ohio and whining and maybe getting a VHS camcorder and taping it.

Also, my final non-sequitur of the day, this:

The reason the line at the bathroom is always so long...