Things That I (Mistakenly) Think Will Make My Life Complete and Make Me A Real American: May 2011 Edition

I had everything planned out: Ohio hotel with lenient pet rabbit policies, cheap car rental, Spaghetti Warehouse banquet dinner tickets, everything. I had found a rental car online for only $18 per day if I just went and picked it up at JFK airport. And then the American economic system (in the form of an double-chinned, age-undetermined woman wearing some sort of pantsuit) almost ruined my trip. This curly-haired gremlin troll told me that although I had reserved the car online, and although I could (theoretically) pay for the cost of the car rental, she could not rent it to me because I have chosen not to have a credit card because I think they are stupid and a middle-class trap and I'm not sure I am enough of an adult to handle having money at my disposal whenever and wherever I want it. So I ended up having to rent a car from another rental agency for about 5 times that price because they would rent to a debit card, and all they had left were expensive SUVs. That being said, it all worked out but it was over my planned budget for the trip.

It got me thinking though: If I got a credit card, would I just buy everything I covet and it at home with my possessions and never leave the house and develop a vitamin D deficiency and lose all remaining scraps of social skills? If so, that actually just sounds like what I've been doing over the past 6 months in cold, dreary, horrible, the worst, New York City winter, except that I would have cooler stuff. Let the patriotism begin (with a crippling amount of debt)!

1) I want a yellow lamp. I don't know why but I need it.

from west elm ($69)

Or this one:

from etsy ($89)

2) I need an alarm clock because my rabbit chewed through the power cord of the one I've had since I was 4 years old, which also electrocuted both her and me one night at 4am.

from etsy ($85 plus shipping from a tiny Chinese man)

Or this one:

from etsy ($28)

3) I need blue shoes (I do not need these at all but if I had good credit I would own them then not be able to pay for them and therefore have bad credit and live the American Dream).

from Yuketen via Woodlands Supply Co. ($275)

Or these (because the brick sole is cool):

from Eastland via Epaulet ($185 on sale)

4) I need a kilim rug for my room and for my sanity.

from kilim.com ($900)

Or this one:

from kilim.com ($1,100)

5) I need a footrest or an ottoman (because I am too cool for stool wah wah wah):

from moss ($455)

Or this:

from The Future Perfect ($393)

6) I need an industrial-looking table for my turntable and vintage amp because right now they are sitting on the floor:

from World Market ($330)

Or this, since I have free credit money:

from Get Back, Inc. ($unknown)

7) I need a place for indoor plants to replace the pitcher plant I had last summer that I named Ru Paul that died shortly after I bought him/her:

from Manufactum (~$40)

Or this:

from etsy ($35)

This could go on literally forever, so...

Let's all be New American Patriots and get into credit card debt! Yayyy! (We killed Bin Laden! click link for an awkward celebration in my awkward neighborhood — thanks Jasper.)