Zombie$

Why won't we all admit that our fascination with zombies, warewolves, and vampires stems back to our boredom with Bible stories? We all secretly wish that Jesus would've done some cool stuff after he became un-dead, like neck-biting and terrorizing and such.

I plant to capitalize on the Twilight/Walking Dead craze with my new, patented, hand-painted Zombie Jesus Easter Egg, complete with crown of thorns and insatiable taste for human flesh:

farts and crafts: sean ate food from mcdonalds

Remember the words of Jesus, when he said from up on high at his famous sermon on the mount: "Eat others as you would want to be eaten."

Things That Will Be Becoming Soon

DisTRActiondiStractIONdiStRACtionDIStracTiONdiStrACTIONDistRAcTion

I get distracted. "Distraction is Action?" In my case, maybe, but not necessarily productive.

I have been missing you zero weekly readers/many weekly visitors who mistakenly arrived here from google based upon this site's name and your sexual fetishism. Since this site is actually about life lessons (which are offered by someone who is in little position to give them), remember this: your sexual appetite can only get weirder/more fun for so long; then the day comes when "grandma put down the gun" is no longer a viable safe word and you end up naked in a closet acting out a suspicious episode of Kung Fu, so please stop searching for pooping videos. You'll be better for it, I promise.

That being said, I'm moving forward with some things, including the once-neglected but now resurrected Gremlins T-Shirt. Want one? Let me know in the comments section. Each will be made to order on a white vintage tee. Choose from sizes Small, Medium, Large, "Bulking Up For Winter"**, or "Jerry Springer, Cut Me Out of My House"**

** Limited quantities available, probably

Also, I made this today after discovering that some German guy already made the LOVE logo into the word LOST, which was a krautzenbummer. But this looks kinda cool, too, I think.

art is so easy!

Also, a little later today, my friend Sean and I are going to be getting down on some sacrilegious/offensive Easter eggs. I made some last year that were so good that my friend's mom wants to sell them out on the West Coast.

These were weird, but I think this year is going to be way better. I will leave no stone unturned!

(does anybody get that Jesus pushing the stone away joke? am I the only one who at least at one time attended Sunday School/faked reading the Bible?)

It feels good to know that even after all this time, this blog still sucks. YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY I haven't missed a step!