Google Image Search: Maybe The Ultimate Entertainment (For Bedwetters and Invalids Like Me)?

This is my second winter in New York and there are times that I just refuse to leave the house because it can just be so depressingly, bitterly cold and treacherous for walking. I need to take walks often to clear my mind and reset my thoughts. But when it's gross outside, I convince myself to stay in and "work", which means "work as hard as possible for as long as possible right now, because inevitably you will soon become distracted and waste the next 2 hours chasing some tangent around the Internet." At night this can be a good thing, because even if I'm wasting time at home, at least I'm not out wasting money, eating tater tots, drinking whiskey and talking trash to strangers. #theinternetsavesmefrommyselfbutputsmeonanalternatedownwardspiral

In a recent development, I have become totally engrossed with Google's image search function. Although it isn't as outright hilarious as Yahoo Answers and its never-ending supply of sad Q&As (this gem for instance), or Craigslist's Missed Connections disasters (example of greatness, here), I can't even believe how much I have been laughing lately at the random photos that are floating around in this bizarre sea of accessible images. You can type in the most innocuous search terms and come up with all sorts of mildly offensive or weird photographs. Actually, I started a tumblr page to keep track of all my nuggets of gold. I feel there might be sociological value in discovering the link between why the Dali Lama and a hello kitty tattoo show up when I search for a photo of Hannibal Lechter. But whatever. In no particular order, here are a few recent treasures:

From Cats the Musical. Ahem, "The heat had gone out in the building that cold December night, and the young cat went to a shady block downtown and paid $20 to hire a professional to find his Magical Mr. Mistoffelles." – T.S. Eliot

Jesus Christ, Frasier, get it together. It's my personal dream to be famous for literally 15 minutes, make a few million dollars and disappear from the face of the earth to read and write and swim and screw on some Caribbean beach. Why the hell can't anyone else figure out how great that would be?

Its body is warm, but its cold, dark eyes say, "Fuck you."

Wow. WHAT IS THIS??? It fascinates me.

This is so creepy and disturbing. It's from a coloring book. In my Rorschach test, I see a pitiful old man who has just finished digging his own grave under his favorite tree. Now this greedy miser wants to be buried with his bullion like Scrooge McDuck from Duck Tails (wooo OOO ooo). But someone was watching all along, and once again the young man will screw the old out of his money.

I don't know, man. I think this guy used to sell "ice cold beeaaaahh" at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. "Rowland Office" sounds fake and his signature looks like two different people wrote it.