For the uninitiated, Phil Collins Day occurs the day after Valentine's Day. I was introduced to Phil Collins Day last year when I attended the parade, randomly, on a bitterly cold night in Greenpoint. Since then, I've become friends with the founder of said holiday, who can be seen happily bopping by the camera at about 0:29 in this video.
Heather felt that last year's extravaganza, complete with a paper mâché rendition of the leading man's famed widow's peak and a marching band, lacked the deep, introspective and personal engagement that she envisioned when she invented the holiday almost ten years ago. So this year was more intimate, and we gathered in a warehouse/art gallery in northern Greenpoint to be artsy, create Phil masks, spraypaint stencil t-shirts, and enter a confessional booth to tell The Man Himself deep and profound secrets about love. There are photos...
just like a catholic church
The booth had a two-way mirror, a video camera, and a microphone (just like my bathroom) for confessions. The anonymous confessions—we wore Phil masks to hide our identities—were compiled and allegedly sent to Phil. Everyone then started taping their masks to the gallery wall:
So, everyone considered the night a success. The Wall of Phils seemed too good not to become a permanent feature. Last Sunday, Sarah asked me to help her and Heather hang the Phil masks and I agreed. But Heather didn't get off set until very late that night and we scrapped the mission for another day. I think it was Wednesday when I sent Heather a text wondering when we would be hanging Phils but I didn't hear back from her. Coincidentally, that night I finally got around to watching Exit Through The Gift Shop, that Banksy movie from a couple of years ago. I'm not really sure how I feel about "street art", but the truth is that I like it and I don't think it should be a crime, but I guess if it were legal then it would lose some aspect of edginess (I can't believe I just wrote that). I found the film pretty entertaining, and I loved the aspect that people were willing to pay money for stuff that was legitimately terrible. Even the people they interviewed at the end, at that Mr. Brainwash show, seemed to know it was bad but were unwilling to admit that they thought as much.
Then I finally get a response from Heather, two days later:
Me: are we gonna hang phils or whut? did y'all already do it?
Heat: yes. and i just got out of jail as a result.
Me: um, wow. storytime later...
They had gone Monday night to hang Phils at the Greenpoint subway stop, and were arrested for graffiti or vandalism or something, and had spent two nights in jail all because of this:
They also had some wild stories from jail, but that isn't my place to retell. All I want to say is this: Phil, where were you? Why didn't you bail these innocent women out of prison? Fame is only worth it if you can use it for a good cause, Phil. Your day is coming, sir. The day after V-Day, 2013 (unless the world ends first).
Why won't we all admit that our fascination with zombies, warewolves, and vampires stems back to our boredom with Bible stories? We all secretly wish that Jesus would've done some cool stuff after he became un-dead, like neck-biting and terrorizing and such.
I plant to capitalize on the Twilight/Walking Dead craze with my new, patented, hand-painted Zombie Jesus Easter Egg, complete with crown of thorns and insatiable taste for human flesh:
farts and crafts: sean ate food from mcdonalds
Remember the words of Jesus, when he said from up on high at his famous sermon on the mount: "Eat others as you would want to be eaten."
I get distracted. "Distraction is Action?" In my case, maybe, but not necessarily productive.
I have been missing you zero weekly readers/many weekly visitors who mistakenly arrived here from google based upon this site's name and your sexual fetishism. Since this site is actually about life lessons (which are offered by someone who is in little position to give them), remember this: your sexual appetite can only get weirder/more fun for so long; then the day comes when "grandma put down the gun" is no longer a viable safe word and you end up naked in a closet acting out a suspicious episode of Kung Fu, so please stop searching for pooping videos. You'll be better for it, I promise.
That being said, I'm moving forward with some things, including the once-neglected but now resurrected Gremlins T-Shirt. Want one? Let me know in the comments section. Each will be made to order on a white vintage tee. Choose from sizes Small, Medium, Large, "Bulking Up For Winter"**, or "Jerry Springer, Cut Me Out of My House"**
** Limited quantities available, probably
Also, I made this today after discovering that some German guy already made the LOVE logo into the word LOST, which was a krautzenbummer. But this looks kinda cool, too, I think.
art is so easy!
Also, a little later today, my friend Sean and I are going to be getting down on some sacrilegious/offensive Easter eggs. I made some last year that were so good that my friend's mom wants to sell them out on the West Coast.
These were weird, but I think this year is going to be way better. I will leave no stone unturned!
(does anybody get that Jesus pushing the stone away joke? am I the only one who at least at one time attended Sunday School/faked reading the Bible?)
It feels good to know that even after all this time, this blog still sucks. YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY I haven't missed a step!
